Create Subtle Pressure (Push) and Softening (Pull) in Your Real Estate Seller Negotiating Sessions
In the context of negotiating a home sale, “push-pull” refers to a dynamic where the buyer and seller both exert pressure to gain an advantage.
Rather than being an aggressive, win-lose approach, it is a strategic back-and-forth process of trading concessions and benefits, utilizing compromise to reach a “win-win” outcome that satisfies both parties.
For professional investors, mastering this delicate balance—softening the conversation to build trust while subtly applying pressure to secure commitment—is essential for closing terms deals efficiently.
The Softening (Pull) Techniques: Building Trust and Easing Resistance
The goal of the “pull” is to draw the seller in, establish a relationship, and create an atmosphere where the seller feels comfortable revealing the true needs and motivations that will lead them to accept a deal.
1. Establishing Deep Rapport (The Initial Pull)
The negotiation process must begin by generating a connection of friendship, known as rapport, which is the capacity to connect quickly with others to build trust [Rapport Report, NLP Report]. This fulfills the soft skills premise that people will do business with those they know, like, and trust [Rapport Report].
• FORM Approach: Use the FORM approach (Friends, Occupation, Recreation) during the initial walkthrough to build as many bridges between what you have in common as possible [Rapport Report].
• “Guest” Status: Frame your presence as an invitation, saying, “Thanks for inviting me over to show me your property,” which encourages the seller to see you as a guest [Rapport Report].
• VAK Model: Remember that inner communication is made up of images, sounds, and feelings (VAK) [VAK Model Report]. By being acutely aware of the seller’s non-verbal communication, you are utilizing Sensory Awareness—a pillar of NLP—to enhance trust [NLP Report].
2. Softening the Discovery of Pain (The Magic Formula Pull)
When uncovering seller motivation, the investor must get the seller to volunteer their problems themselves [Motivation Report].
To avoid resistance (the “Ostrich Syndrome” or DENIAL), the investor uses the Magic Formula to gently “pull” the problems out:
• Naive Phrasing: The formula,
“The good thing is that it’s not a problem (insert problem) right?”, is delivered in an innocent and naive sounding voice [Motivation Report].
• Compelled Self-Correction: This phrasing compels the seller to restate the negative realities they face in a stronger form themselves [Motivation Report]. This subtle pull allows the seller to voice “the bad stuff” without resisting the investor [Motivation Report].
3. Trading Concessions (General Pull Tactics)
General buyer “pull” tactics involve offering terms that are highly valuable to the seller to increase the attractiveness of the offer.
• Non-Price Factors: Buyers can create leverage by offering non-price “pull” factors, such as a quick closing date, waiving certain contingencies, or allowing the seller to remain in the home for a period after closing.
• Inspection Leverage: After acceptance, a thorough home inspection can uncover issues, allowing the buyer to “pull” the price down or demand repairs, especially if major problems are found.
The Pressure (Push) Techniques: Demanding Commitment and Clarity
Once rapport is established, “push” techniques are necessary to move the session from friendly discussion to committed action.
1. Pushing for Immediate Commitment (The Upfront Agreement Push)
The Upfront Agreement (Step 2) serves as a necessary “push” to gain an immediate commitment and demand clarity [Upfront Agreement Report].
• Eliminating Ambiguity: The agreement is designed to set the stage for not coming back ever and eliminate the classic stall, “I want to think it over” [Upfront Agreement Report].
• The Red/Green Light: The investor asserts that their job is to make a decision on the spot and seeks a reciprocal commitment that the seller will give either a definite “green light” (yes) or “red light” (no) [Upfront Agreement Report]. This is a definitive “push” for a clear outcome [Upfront Agreement Report].
2. Pushing the Seller’s Timeline
After motivation is uncovered, the investor must apply a “push” to determine the seller’s urgency, gaining a strong negotiating position [Motivation Report].
• The Ticking Bomb: The investor asks, “Mr. Seller, ideally when would you like this sale to happen?” [Motivation Report]. By suggesting a long timeframe (six or twelve months), the investor typically compels the seller to push back, stating they want the property handled much sooner, often “THIS month” [Motivation Report].
3. Eliminating Alternatives (A Competitive Push)
The investor must use pressure to eliminate the seller’s three major alternatives: listing with an agent, renting, or selling themselves [Motivation Report]. The investor uses the Magic Formula in reverse to let the seller convince you why he wants to sell it to you—a push for acceptance of the investor as the primary solution [Motivation Report].
4. Seller Market Push Tactics
While investors are often buyers, the sources also note traditional seller push tactics used to maximize price. These tactics create a challenging negotiating environment for the buyer:
• Urgency: Creating a sense of urgency by setting a deadline for offers.
• Price and Features: Setting a competitive asking price to attract multiple offers, allowing the seller to “push” for desired terms and showcasing unique features to “push” for a higher asking price.
• Ignoring Lowball Offers: Exerting “push” pressure by rejecting or not countering disrespectful offers.
The Ultimate Push-Pull: The “What If” Game
The “What If” Game (Step 5) is the primary vehicle for trading pressure for concessions, allowing the investor to gain agreement on major deal terms BEFORE making a formal offer.
1. Re-Framing (Push/Pull Start)
The investor initiates the trade by acknowledging the seller’s ideal (the “pull”): “obviously if I were able to hand you a cashier’s check for your full asking price right now you’d probably take it.” This is immediately countered by the “push”: “Obviously as an investor I can’t do that, it’s got to work for me too”.
2. Price vs. Time (The Negotiated Trade)
The investor makes the price (a major concession, or “pull”) conditional on the time period (a requirement/pressure, or “push”). The investor states: “the price depends on the length of time we decide on“.
• If the seller accepts a longer term (e.g., 6 to 8 years or longer), the investor can offer close to their full asking price (the “pull”).
• If the seller wants a shorter term, the price must be negotiated down (the “push”).
3. Reluctance and Flexibility
Throughout the “What If” Game, the investor maintains a “reluctant buyer” stance [What If Game Report]. If the seller rejects a scenario, the investor uses the “pull” of flexibility by simply asking: “what if…another solution“. This process ensures that by the time the paperwork is drawn, the seller has already agreed to all the major terms that were established by strategic push-pull compromise.
